Mindless Marital Problem

In an article by a self proclaimed “steadily married woman,” this “everycouple” wife dreams of divorce.  She describes her husband as not a bad man, but a “moderately bad man” like every other man married to every other woman.  She tells a tale of her hum-drum annoying marriage and all the things that continually disgust her and annoy her about her husband.  She goes further to state that every woman she knows is going through this “Mid-Wife Crisis” – she states:

“…when I say Mid-Wife Crisis, I mean the middle-of-married-life kind…  …As one girlfriend remarked, it’s the age of rage – a period of high irritation that lasts roughly one to two decades. As a colleague e-mailed me, it’s the simmering underbelly of resentment, the 600-pound mosquito in the room. At a juncture where we thought we should have unearthed some modicum of certainty, we are turning into the Clash. If I go will there be trouble? If I stay will it be double? Should I stay or should I go?”

Apparently there are many, many women who feel this way.  Is your wife secretly one of them?

Men: read this article – The Mid-Wife Crisis: I’m Dreaming of Divorce.  Then come back here.

This is important.  Many of us men have scratched our crotch, picked our nose, smelled our armpits, farted loudly and done much worse in front of our wives.

Why?  We are way too comfortable and complacent.  Men are pigs at heart.  We are generally dirty, smelly, drink from the milk carton, leave the toilet seat up, forgot to flush, armpit scratching pigs.  Do you think your wife loves you for all that?  Nope.  She loves you – in spite of all that.  Lucky.

When we were trying to win the hearts of our wives, we hid all that dirt and grime under a nice shirt and clean pants.  And we made sure to exit the room to fart or to blow our nose with a tissue if something was up there that needed to be extracted.

We would never think of letting one rip or sticking our finger in our nose when our date was sitting next to us.  I would hold a fart all night long if I had to until I could get to a restroom or at least about 1000 yards away from my wife when we were dating – it was not easy – but worth the effort.

So what happened?

Do you think that once you won her heart and put that ring on her finger you could stick her heart in a bullet proof trophy case never to worry about it again?  If you did the things she finds disgusting on your first date (things you don’t even think about or hesitate to do now), do you think that she would have gone on a second date with you?  Probably not.  No second date = no marriage.

So you want to relax and be yourself?  Good.  But give your wife the common courtesy that you would give a stranger – would you fart loudly in an elevator full of people?  I hope not.  Give your wife the same consideration: leave the room – or at least apologize.

If you need to be gross, and we all do from time to time (yes, I have some pig in me), then have a guys night out with your buddies – fart, sniff and pick to your heart’s desire if you need to get it out of your system.  But at home, be a gentleman to your wife.

Although you have become one flesh in marriage – you have not become one person.  She is an individual with a desire for a husband – not a pig.  She is not you.  She does not want to see certain things and bodily functions that you should keep to yourself.

Being a man is not only about leading and loving – it is about extending your wife MORE courtesy than you do to strangers.  It is about being selfless, humble, AND courteous.  Lead by example – show your children how to be a gentleman and a husband.  The ultimate expression and measure of manliness is reflected in how you are as a husband and a father.

If you keep this in mind and don’t act like your wife is just one of the guys then you can prevent her from dreaming of divorce.

Your Wife is God’s Gift to You

You met your wife for a reason.  You married her for a reason.  In marriage, you will learn more about yourself and more about letting go of selfish ways than almost anything else in life.  The only time you will learn more is when you have children.

So if you are wondering why your wife may not be as sexual, romantic and passionate as when you first met, consider how you have changed.  Have you become more or less selfish?  Trust me: I was a pretty selfish person before I got married.  Of course I was, it was just me – everything I did was in my best interest.  The old “look out for number one” attitude.  Yes, I did nice things for others, but at the end of the day, it was about me.  Most men are in the same boat.

Enter a wonderful wife.  What happens when you are no longer able to look out for number one?  What happens when you have to consider another person’s feelings before your own?  Many times the answer is simple: resentment.

You may have had all kinds of expectations: lots of sex all the time, a hot meal every night, few arguments since you are the head of the household.  All those expectations you had were really premeditated resentments.  Then reality hits – jobs, chores, responsibilities.  And you find that your wife is tired at the end of the day – as are you.  When she doesn’t meet the standards you had imagined in your mind, you end up disappointed.  So – you can go two ways:

  1. You can be the husband that talks to his friends about “the ol’ ball and chain.”
  2. You can be the husband who always puts his wife in a good light and longs to get home to see her.

The difference between 1 and 2 above is summed up in one word: choice.  If you choose to hold onto your expectations and resentments, then you will always feel trapped and tied down – the ball and chain.  But if you choose to let go and see your wife as the person God paired you with to teach you and help you grow into a better person – and you accept her as an individual with needs only you can meet, then you can feel honored to have such an opportunity.

It is when you take the gift that has been given to you and cherish her and love her that you will begin to grow.  It is when you start dwelling each day on how you can make her life better – how you can make her smile – that you will reap the rewards of a fulfilling marriage.  When you love her and accept her in this way, she will want to meet your needs.  She will become more attracted to you and more intimate with you.  Her emotional libido will soar and her sex drive will kick into high gear.

Is this an easy thing to do?  No.  You never learn when something is handed to you – you only learn and grow through effort and self sacrifice.  But when you get there, you will find that your marriage will be more passionate and fulfilling than you ever thought possible.  You will be the husband who longs to see his wife at the end of the day – and she will long to see you.  I believe this is what God intends for marriage – it’s time to accept your wife as His gift to you and cherish her.